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I don`t have the blood alcohol level to deal with you
I will write something profound ... subsoil!
If I were a cashier I`d pretend people were waiting in line to kiss me.
The phrase “Don’t take this the wrong way.” has a zero percent success rate.
I need a vacation ... or this fifth of Jack -Me at the liqiour store
There is no greater stress than the stress of a guy who forgot his phone & left it at home with his wife.
There’s plenty of fish in the sea… I just suck at fishing.
We need to DETACH from all this technology and live life in the moment. Sent from my iPhone
that annoying manager who thinks they are god ... you are not ... you are a douche box
I just want to be perfect... Nah just kidding, I love being weird
My friend told me his girlfriend talks a lot in her sleep..Apparently "I know" was not the right answer...
I bet attractive people think the world is a lot more polite than it really is.
The closest I ever got to a 4.0 in college was my blood alcohol content.
The one who laughs last is the slowest. The one who laughs first has the dirtiest mind.
I can`t wait to miss the upcoming season of American Idol.