Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
My mother always told me to never quit something I`m good at. So here is to her for making me realize that i`m good at being drunk!
Let`s simplify this. Deliver a pizza to me every night unless I call.
Alcohol doesn´t solve any problems ... but then again, neither does milk.
Today I made sushi at home for the first time. I subsituted a hotdog for the raw tuna, a bun for the rice, and mustard for the wasabi!
500 + friends... and not one of you saw where I put the remote?
The proper way to use a stress ball is to throw it at the last person to piss you off.
I bet people don’t understand that I’m joking 800% of the time.
National no bra day wasn`t as successful as the creators had hoped. due to sagging attendants and lack of support.
My relationship status? Last night, in the elevator, I told a girl she had nice shoelaces.
Real friends show me their boobs
This is 2016. How come I can`t email someone a fart when I feel like it?
I like when people call me "Sir". I just wish they wouldn`t follow it up with "you`re making a scene."
Picking your nose doesn`t make you a bad person. .... but what you do with the booger will define you.
The longer I sit in this drive-thru, the more pennies I’m going to pay with.
My wife accused me of spending too much time on Facebook. That’s funny, when did I get a wife?