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Doing pretty good so far on my 1500 calorie a day diet as long as I don`t eat anything else today and tomorrow.
what does bgif mean on a friday night ? ... boobs go in front
Superman and Batman probably had a lot of "capes in the toilet water" accidents when they went to take a dump.
FACT: Candy corn is made out of melted down traffic cones.
Rubix cubes are EASY....when you`re color blind.
My bank account is more like a countdown to my homelessness
My favorite iOS7 feature is how it distracts me from the fact that I`m wasting my life poking a glass screen.
No heel is too high when pointed up at the ceiling.
To everybody that is single don`t worry you will have your day............ Palm Sunday is just around the corner
It`s too bad parallel lines never meet because they have so much in common.
Bike helmets only protect you from looking cool.
Patience is what I have when there are too many witnesses.
I`ve discovered two things today... 1. My cat looks so cute in people clothes. 2. I`m probably going to die alone.
“Yes” is a perfectly legitimate response when asked how many drinks you’ve consumed.
Hoping to get "till death do us part" reduced to a 15 year sentence and time served.