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that awkard moment when someone`s laugh is actually funnier than the joke
I like to take an empty Krispy Kreme donut box to work and sit in the break room and watch all of the disappointed faces
I`m about as lost as lesbian on ChristianMingle.com
Psycho and socio have always been my favorite paths.
If kids get money for losing teeth, what do I get for all this hair I’m losing?
What if plants could talk but they are still in shock from seeing the dinosaurs?
Random Thought: How do bats hang upside down without crapping on themselves?
It`s important to teach your children math so they can better understand what episode of Star Wars they are watching.
Don`t trust anyone that orders a Medium Pizza....
God gives us only what we can handle... Apparently God thinks I am a bad-ass.
I’ve been texting so much lately that I move my thumbs from side to side when I’m actually talking to someone.
Me: You’re the prettiest girl I’ve ever seen. Her: You just want to have sex with me. Me: And you’re smart too, I like that.
Being clean and sober means i’ve showered and am heading to the liquor store.
Ways to Win my Heart: Buy me Beer Bring me Beer Be Beer.
I have blank business cards I hand out and call them my “none of your business” cards.