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Why hasn`t anyone invented a button next to the snooze which emails your boss to say you`re gonna be late?
Jack Frost go away, come again another day. I need some sun, I need some sand, I need an island & a band. I`m bored with you & tired of the cold, so go away your getting old. Bring on the sun at one hundred degrees, some coconut oil & pina coladas please
I sometimes goto Starbucks for coffee and tell them my name is Bueller ... Then leave before my coffe is ready
Would a transformer buy life insurance or car insurance?
Inside me is a skinny person screaming to get out. But he shuts up when I eat cake.
Just found a hole in my sock and now I`m worried that the whole drawer might be pregnant.
I like my coffee like I like my women, hot and a lot of alcohol in them
I used to have superpowers but the psychiatrist took them away.
If listening to stupid people burned calories, I`d be a supermodel.
Don`t be sad, laundry. Nobody is doing me either.
I would really like to help you move your furniture tomorrow, but Iām going to be too busy sitting on mine.
What is this World Cup and can I drink from it?
Not to brag, but most of the problems that take Dora the Explorer 30 minutes to figure out, I can solve in like 18-20 minutes.
First you told me to be myself now you`re telling to me not be an idiot. Make up your mind woman!
Home is where the alcohol is.