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My friend is a magician, she can turn anything into an argument.
Women are like squirrels, very cute from a distance but will fight like hell when you try to pick them up and get them in your car.
Being a pizza delivery driver is great because literally no one is disappointed to see you
Minnesota is my favorite state that sounds like it`s a small soft drink.
Some days the problem is I care too much... Today was not one of those days...
Acting like a mature adult is super easy if you hate having fun.
Facebook made billions by saying “Hey, remember that kid you haven’t seen since the third grade? He’s a parent who hates Obama now.”
I’m not a vegetarian but I eat animals who are.
lifes a laugh, start living it!
Basically the whole point of Facebook is so you can see if you’re prettier than your ex’s new girlfriend.
A third zebra strolls casually while whistling and pretending to read a newspaper onto Noah`s ark.
One day, we will look back on this, laugh nervously, and change the subject.
Don’t let anybody push you around ... unless you’re in a wagon, cuz that is just plain fun.
The problem with some people is that they’re alive.
If I was just learning English and you told me a sport called BOXING takes place in a SQUARE area called a RING, I`d probably give up.