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How do bats hang upside down without crapping on themselves?
Nothing stops a yawn faster than a dog trying to lick inside your mouth
Sometimes I wonder if that kid in the Dreamworks logo has caught the fish yet.
Roman Numerals...what are they good IV?
Dear who ever’s reading this, I could be naked right now and you would never know.
I put my head between my legs and lean forward.....thats how I roll
The nice thing about being single is when you`re setting the silverware, it doesn`t matter which side you put the remote on.
"I`m glad the weekends over" -Nobody ever
I hope Breaking Bad ends with Jesse waking up from a dream in the middle of Mr. White`s chemistry class.
Dont freeze your Common sense in the process of being COOL.
Doing some laundry and hot single socks in my dryer are looking for a mate.
Currently under the influence of cold and flu medicine...my actions can not be held against me!
I love giving orders. My favorite is "Another one. And make it a double."
Oh really? It takes fewer muscles to smile than to frown? How many muscles does it take to mind your own business
Sorry I shouted "MORTAL KOMBAT!" when you started arguing with your husband at the grocery store