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I joined weight watchers last month, so far I lost 38 dollars...
Dumped my multiple personality girlfriend yesterday. She took it well, not so well, and she was really upset...
I took a poll recently, and 100% of strippers were angry they had nothing to dance on.
My last post deserves WAY more likes than that....let`s go people....chop chop!
The best way to deal with dumb people is to never leave your house sober
Oh well, this time isn`t going to procrastinate itself.
This beer tastes like Iām going to text you later.
I wish my car was fueled by my lack of desire to go to work.
Never make eye contact while eating a banana
I eat bananas with a fork, so I don`t look gay.
Why is the jolly Green giant so damn jolly
Adding "and sh!t" at the end of a sentence can make anything sound thug. Example: I was playing with my bubbles and sh!t.
If you`re confident enough, every zoo is a petting zoo.
Woke up screaming this morning. My apologies to everyone in the meeting.
When in doubt, read Facebook Statuses, you`ll see you`re not the only crazy one around