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How come the energizer bunny beats a drum instead of doing something like working the cashier register at Wal-Mart?
Nothing says "My balls are kept in a jar inside her purse" quite like a joint Facebook account
There are no limits to what you can accomplish when you are suppose to be doing something else.
Ya Know, if I was Jessie`s Girl. I would of dumped Jessie for Rick Springfield!!
You can pretty much text anything as long as you put a happy face emoticon afterwards. You`re a slut :)
Why do they waste so much money on all the checkout lanes at Walmart, when they only have two of them open at any given time.
Hump Day!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Why doesn’t McDonalds have an order taking microphone on both sides of the car, yet?
No matter how much you push the envelope - it`ll still be stationery.
You’re lucky that I’m so terrified of prison.
Good Morning: You, my friends are the reason I wake up every morning ? LOL JK, I have to pee.
Laptop speakers, too quiet for music, too loud for porn.
My girlfriend left the lights on, on her Smart Car last night. This morning I had to jump start it with my Android.
I wish that some of my coworkers were not allowed in the break room because those are the people I need a break from.
Sex Is Like Math: Add The Bed, Subtract The Clothes, Divide The Legs, And Pray To God You Don`t Multiply!