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Crap, summer is here and I`m nowhere near in drinking shape yet.
I´m pretty sure I had a good time last night. Let me finish reading the police report and I´ll let you know.
I decided I`m going to be poor... Its Cheaper :)
Some idiots actually sold their homes and properties thinking the world was really going to end! What losers. I hope my boss gives me my job back on Monday
It makes sense that animals pee on something to mark their territory. I mean if someone peed on something, most people would be like, "Eww, okay. That`s yours now."
Walmart is one store where it is truly acceptable to shop in your pajamas.
It`s bad luck to be superstitious.
How do people dumb enough to buy $500 sunglasses make enough money to buy $500 sunglasses?
Not to brag, but I’m pretty good in bed. I don’t snore or steal covers, and I only pee if something startles me.
Some of us live thousands of miles away from the majority of our relatives and can`t be with them for the holidays. But don`t be jealous.
The next person that tells me I have no shame…probably knows me pretty darn well.
been there, done that, wrote the book and have the t-shirt to prove it. What more do you want!
It`s not that I like watching midget porn, it`s just that my phone screen is too small to watch regular porn.
Depression is wanting to lay down and realizing that you are already laying down.
If you never jumped from sofa to sofa as a kid to avoid the lava, then you missed out on childhood.