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Women are like bacon: They look good, They smell good, They taste good, And they will kill you slowly.
How do they put the "do not walk on the grass" signs up?
My neighbors listen to some excellent music. Whether they like it or not.
Hypothetically, when is the right time to tell your divorce attorney that you`ve never been married and you love spending time with him?
If you were born in September, it`s pretty safe to assume that your parents started their new year with a BANG
Saying you like one political party over another, is like saying one filthy whore is prettier than the other filthy whore.
"2, 4, 6, 8!! Ride my face let`s fornicate!!!" And with that, HR banished me from all future employee picnics.
After the doctor left the exam room from my prostate exam. The nurse came in with three words I didn`t want to hear. "Who was that?"
On the bright side, it’s Friday Eve Eve Eve.
A smile is the same in every language, I`m pretty sure the pee pee dance is too
So who the heck ever buys the middle grade of gasoline?
I bet heroin addicts can open a Capri sun on the first try.
No man has ever won a game of `notice anything different about me?`
If we can put a satellite in orbit around a comet 4 billion miles away, perhaps someday we can put a working wireless printer in my office.
Firemen must dread the moment when they`re done for the day and have to find the strength to climb back up the pole.