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If you read your timeline backwards it is about a person who hates everything and gradually becomes happier until they get a life.
If you never used that plastic thing that keeps pizza from sticking to the box lid as GI Joe`s poker table you`re too mature for me.
I hate it when chicks wear pink camo. I`m like, "girl" where you hiding? Candyland?
If history has taught us anything, it’s that reheated french fries are gross.
The iPhone 6 looks pretty cool, but it still lets people leave voicemails, so they apparently haven`t worked out all the bugs yet.
i hope your life is as long and useful as this roll of toilet paper!!!
OMG!! IT`S MONDAY ... What the f*ck do you think comes after Sunday, Sunday JR. ?
Getting drunk and listening to loud music solves 87% of all life`s problems
It`s not paranoia if they really are out to get you.
At this point Washington DC is basically just an elaborate promotional stunt for Grand Theft Auto V.
Head and Shoulders should make a body wash called Everything Else
Do homeless people get Knock Knock Jokes?
Still have my French Maid costume in case any of you have a dirty house. I`ll be happy to sit there and look sexy while your wife cleans....
Black Friday at my house consist of pants 100% off
COLLEGE STUDENTS: if you`re looking for a job, your career center lists thousands of openings you don`t have enough experience for.