Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
Ain’t no sandwich when she’s gone.
Playing Frisbee with a five year old is amazingly similar to just running after a Frisbee.
Is glad Christmas is near i sure need new coloring books and crayons ..
The recipe said “Set the oven to 180 degrees,” so I did, but now I can’t open it because the door faces the wall.
After watching copious amounts of crime dramas I`ve come to the conclusion that serial killers only target women who wear matching bra and pantie sets. Feeling much safer now.
I hide from people too, so I get it bigfoot, I get it.
Babe, you look Hot! Is your air conditioner broken?
No great story started with someone drinking water.
There`s a lot of perks being a single parent, for one no witnesses.
If at first you don`t succeed, try drinking a shot of Vodka while you do it. You`ll be amazed of how much less you care.
If you think women are the weaker sex, try pulling the blankets back to your side.
I wish I was a jedi, but mostly just so I didn`t have to bend over to pick up dog poop.
A new day : the possibilities, endless. the funds, insufficient.
This day will end with either wine or shopping. Probably both.
There`s a thin line between "I should write a status about that" and "I should talk to my therapist about that"....