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You say `pervert with a telescope` ... I say `biological astronomer`.
My superpower is making people laugh ... Which would be great if I was trying to be funny
I thought white noise was the sound of people complaining at Starbucks.
I just want to buy an old Mercedes Benz,so people will think I have been rich for a long time.
As a man, I honor Christopher Columbus every day of the year by refusing to ask for directions.
Walmart calls them self checkouts, I call them I might not pay for some of this.
The only thing actually impossible in life is taking a picture for a group of women and having ALL of them like it.
Apparently “cheesecake & tacos” wasn’t the answer the interviewer was looking for when he asked me what my weaknesses are.
I think it’s pretty cool how Chinese people made a language made entirely out of tattoos.
I dig, she digs, he digs, they dig, we dig. its not a good poem but its really deep.
A cop just pulled me over and said papers - so I said scissors, I win and drove off.
I am NOT high maintenance, I simply have more preferences than most.
Why does McDonalds call it a drive thru when you have to drive AROUND the building?
I need to find a woman that loves me for my money....but doesn`t understand math. (<>..,<>)
True love is when you burn your tongue when you take a bite from a pizza and you still keep eating it.