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The voices in my head tell me not to listen to the voices in my head, and now I don`t know who to listen to anymore
I get carried away sometimes… Usually because I refuse to leave.
Kiss her in the middle of her sentence so you don`t have to hear what she`s talking about.
That`s not chapstick in my front pocket.
Parents: Where are you going at this time of the night all dressed up like a slut? Daughter: To the bathroom, I need a new Facebook picture.
If by "help you cook" you mean drink wine in the kitchen while you do the work, then yes, I`d love to help you cook.
In space they just call it "Jam"
Life is so much funnier when you have a dirty mind.
Ways to die: Steal my food.
Save your breath ... You`ll need it later to blow up your date.
I want to put a bib on a baby that says "This dumbass put my cape on backwards." lol
The only thing Facebook has ever done for me is make me realize a lot of my friends are idiots.
I hate getting paid and being broke all in the same day!! :(
If you are offended by the words "In God We Trust" on your money, then send it to me. I don`t mind it at all.
I think abs are for guys that don`t have the confidence to wear a nice T-shirt to the pool.