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I`m starting to think that the Facebook status update I liked has had absolutely no influence on Government policy at all.
Why would I buy a pumpkin at the store for $5 when I can drive 30 miles and pay to walk through a field to pick our own for $27.
"Everybody freeze!" -December
Next time a stranger talks to me when I`m alone, I will look at them shocked and whisper quietly...."You can see me???"
Dude, I can`t post AND know when the light turns green. I`m pretty, not magical.
WTF, marathoners? I don’t even like to drive 26 miles.
Of all the martial arts, Karaoke inflicts the most pain.
I’ve been that, done that, had that, lost that, needed that and felt that. Just a few of the many reasons why I always drink to “that”.
When someone says I love you over the phone and you don`t feel the same, just say `I love youtube` but say it really fast!
Its not you, it`s how you don`t make me sandwiches.
Pirates that used X to mark the spot were stupid. If they had used a G, nobody would ever have found their treasure.
I think you know you’ve got a problem when every letter of the alphabet triggers a porn bonanza in your address bar.
I went to the missing persons` beurau. No one was there.
Sorry I missed your call. I was peeing and had both hands full.
Ladies...when I say bless you after a sneeze, just say Thank you, instead of wondering where in the bushes that just came from.