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“Nevermind.” Translation: You should’ve listened the first time.
Do gun manuals have Trouble Shooting sections?
If you`re going to regret this in the morning, we can sleep until the afternoon.
I was addicted to the Hokey Pokey but I turned myself around.
I have lots of great personality traits. Or as my doctor calls them, symptoms.
You will always be my best friend ... You know too much.
Amnesia sounds so relaxing.
How do nudist clean their glasses?
Chicken pot pie sounds like a great idea if you add commas.
A Relationship is like poker, if you don`t have a partner you better have a good hand.
I`m not a doctor, but I play one on eHarmony.
I just want to be as thin as my patience.
Posting a status update before responding to someone`s text is the easiest way to let them know how unimportant they are.
If you read my entire Facebook timeline from the beginning, you can witness my descent into madness
If you kept one of those jars where I`d have to put in a quarter every time I swore, you would be a billionaire by the end of the week.