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Science is just a numbery way to explain magic.
I have a feeling my dying words will be "Honey, I was just joking."
If by O.P.P. you mean Other People’s Pancakes, then yes I’m down with O.P.P.
I want the job where you push scared skydivers out of planes.
Just noticed there`s no comma in "Bed Bath & Beyond" and honestly, a bed bath would solve a lot of my problems.
When people introduce themselves to me for the first time, I tell them, “Yes, we’ve met before.” So they feel awkward trying to remember me.
To the person who stole my antidepressants..I hope you`re happy now!!!
Only toilet paper deals with more a$$holes than I do.
The awkward moment when people think you`re drunk when in fact you`re just a blast naturally.
Current relationship status: Leaving pizza and beer in the bushes, to lure in stalkers.
Roger that command center, we have arrived at our destination and will commence countdown..............Sir this is McDonalds how may I help you
I was thinking about jumping on the Patriot`s Fan bandwagon, but I am afraid that the tires would be deflated...
Wesley Snipes was released from prison this week. Now he can finally begin filming "Blade 4: Twilight."
I organized a threesome last night....there were a couple of no shows, but I still had a good time
I could never trust a psychic who hasn`t won the lottery at least once.