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If thought bubbles appeared magically above my head I would be so screwed!
Remember, pretty much all of the “tough guys” you see on TV and movies were theater majors in college.
I want to be something scary for Halloween so I am going as a positive pregnancy test......
“Single and ready to mingle” is the fancy way of saying “Alone and desperate”
I think Facebook is the Malaysian plane of the internet. No one on here has been seen by their family in weeks.
I`m not a mechanic so I don`t know why, but my car seems to make a screaming noise whenever I run over people.
I think instead of doing laundry I`m just going to buy a second hamper...
My opinion of yoga pants varies depending on if I`m at the gym or if I`m at Wal-Mart
I need to do laundry so bad I`m actually wearing Christmas stockings
The key to a successful relationship: Tools > Internet Options > Clear history.
WOULD YOU RATHER: have six arms or giant antlers? (You don’t really get a choice; the surgeons were just sort of curious.)
A piñata is NOT a good idea for a Halloween costume.
I believe in living every day like it`s my last day, and on my last day, I plan to take it easy.
The only reason I offer to be the designated driver is so people will get used to seeing me load lifeless bodies into my car.
The grass isn’t always greener on the other side. It’s greener where you water it.