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I cant believe I saw a woman wearing slippers in church today! I almost dropped my beer.
Saw a guy with flames tattooed all over his face. I hope someday he finds a girl who has marshmallows tattooed all over hers.
My sex tape would just be called Home Alone.
If you`re a girl and you drink Vodka... there`s a high probability, I love you.
Sex, drugs, and candy crush all have one thing in common. It’s only an addiction if you start paying for it.
How many Snickers are an acceptable meal replacement?
My mother in law called me today and said? ”Come quick. I think I’m dying” I said, ”Call me back when you’re sure”.
Juvenile humor My friend David lost his ID. We just call him Dav now. Here`s your sign..................
My mom likes playing this game called `yell from four rooms away and get upset when I can`t hear her`.
Would the 2 Sonic dudes just get it over with and kiss already
I once dated a Rockette with Tourette`s. Talk about kicking and screaming!
B is the best letter of the alphabet: Boobs, Buns, Booty, Booze, Beer, Bourbon, and Bacon.
You know, rumor has it that the Mona Lisa may have been the first selfie.
If you can`t say something nice about someone, you probably know the same people I do.
What`s with this `running with scissors` bullsh!t? Why would you run with scissors? Are you that excited to cut paper?