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There`s a difference between having a unique name and a common name that`s spelled wrong.
Scariest thing ever: when a kid sings a nursery rhyme really slow.
Nothing makes you feel more like a kid than the right breakfast cereal. Lucky Charms for me please!
If anyone asks, I`m drinking all this wine to collect corks for a pinterest project.
Just pour the coffee and back away slowly.
When you put ‘aspiring’ in front of your chosen profession. What I hear is: I’m unemployed.
If you`re going take a bathroom picture, at least clean it off. I can`t see anything through all the toothpaste.
I mean if men are better at math why do they get the lenght wrong all the time.
When I`m in an elevator with a stranger I generally hold their hand to let them know that they`re safe
Waiter, bring me a bowl of turtle soup and make it snappy.
So if a dentist makes money off people with unhealthy teeth, why should we trust a toothbrush that 4 out of 5 dentists recommend?
Nothing says "I love you" like my cat aggressively bathing itself immediately after I pet her.
Don`t be sad if you didn`t get a Valentine`s Day gift, lt`s not the end of the world. That`s still ten months away.
This status update is a test. It is only a test. Had this been an actual emergency, we would have fled in terror and you would not have been notified.
Its so cold outside I might even post about it on Facebook