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Somewhere someone`s therapist knows you.
I hate that I have to put on clothes to participate in society.
The cable company told me they would send a guy out and I need to be home between the hours of 1pm and 2015.
If my father taught me one thing, it was probably how to take both hands off the wheel to sarcastically applaud people in traffic.
"No! Don`t go into the church! Nooo!" ... "Honey, what movie are you watching?" ... "Our wedding video."
Iām a pervert, but in a romantic way.
I still have a landline. Or as I like to call it, Cell Phone Finder.
I think I`ve finally found someone I could spend the rest of my life with, I should probably get out of her closet and introduce myself.
My mind says go to the gym but my heart says food.
Home sounds like a nice place, until they say they`re going to put you in one.
My life is about as organized as the $5 DVD bin at Walmart.
Confucius would have been great at Status Updates......
If you try to fail but you succeed which have you done?
This is not the status message you are looking for .... Move along
Four out of five voices in my head are saying this is gonna` be a great day.