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Can`t dance? Spell your name....in the air...with your butt. BOOM! Next problem...
How do you play religious roulette? You stand around in a circle with your friends and blaspheme, and see who gets struck by lightning first.
Do you ever order a club sandwich just to feel like you`re a part of something?
Whoever said, "All men are created equal", has obviously never been to a nude beach
Silence is golden but duct tape is silver.
Your shadow: What happens when light travels 93 million miles unobstructed, only to be deprived of reaching the ground in the final few feet by you.
I do my best proofreading after I hit `send`.
I hate people who take drugs......like the police.
Don`t be ashamed of who you are. That`s your parents job.
Don`t be sad, laundry. Nobody is doing me either.
I just changed my relationship status from “left hand” to “right hand”…
I just put Santa hats on all my Halloween decorations.
Every Girls Night Out has at least one crier.
I`ve been waiting all winter to complain about the summer heat
You have to stay in shape. My grandmother started walking five miles a day when she was 60. She`s 97 today and we don`t know where the hell she is.