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liquor stores should sell Shamwows.. I bet they would conquer any challenge alcohol can conjure up. spills.. puke.. all kinds of messes.
I told my psychiatrist that I`ve been hearing voices. He told me that I don`t have a psychiatrist.
I`ve come to terms with the fact that I will never experience leftover pizza.
If there`s one thing I`ve learned, it`s that I should have learned some other stuff.
A good man can make you feel sexy, strong, and able to take on the world ...Oh sorry ...That`s wine ...Wine does that.
If u think someone (me) is cute u should tell them (me)
Sometimes I feel like a loser for spending so much time on Facebook. Then I remember there are people out there who comment on pornhub videos
If by `the Hamptons` you mean `my pajamas`, then yes, I absolutely weekend in the Hamptons
Kinda like Facebook, I wish I could ‘hide’ people in real life.
Nintendo should handle education, I don’t remember half the crap from high school but I know all of Super Mario World’s secrets.
Thinking " What would happen if the whole world farted at once and a person lit a lighter?"
Can`t we all just hit a bong?
I get paid to be nice at work. Not sure why my family and friends expect that for free.
When the kids come home from school they close the door then almost immediately open another door..... The one to the fridge!!!!
Most bags of sand live a tough life stopping floods. But some, the lucky ones, live a leisurely life tied to the basket of a hot air balloon