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When I was younger, it was wine, women & song. Now I am older, it`s beer, the old lady & TV!
Just saw that my wife was googling ballroom dancing lessons and now I`m hoping that she`s having an affair.
I poured some shampoo over my speakers today and they blew up... So much for EXTRA VOLUME.
is deep in thought . . . if only i could remember what i was thinking about
The best way to deal with dumb people is to never leave your house sober
I fake my LOLs
I wonder what I did in a previous life to get reincarnated as me...
It took me quite some time to be this good a procrastinator
If you`re behind someone at the ATM late at night, let them know you`re not a threat by giving them a gentle kiss on their neck.
HR have advised that I’m not allowed to ask my chubby co-workers if they ate my missing stapler.
Don`t have sex man, it leads to kissing and pretty soon you will have to start talking to her..
When we married, she treated me like a God. As time went by, the letters got reversed
:): The Bipolar smiley face
I don’t have a bucket list, but my f*cket list is a mile long.
I went to the Dr today with severe headaches .. he asked if I suffered from any memory loss. I said "How the F would I know?"