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So I´ve narrowed it down and I´m either gonna start a motorcycle gang or take a nap.
Women need a tattoo that somehow signals their menstrual cycle ... * A Cramp Stamp
Doing it wrong is the only thing I do right.
ALCOHOL! Giving you the ambition to do anything, while simultaneously taking away your capability to do so.
Of course your opinion matters. Just not to me.
I just got kicked out of the Zoo! How was I supposed to know that real hippos don`t actually eat marbles?
Flies only live for 24 hours.. Except for the ones that get in your room. Those bastards live forever.
tonights theme: grab somebody sexy tell them hey, give me everything tonight!
I honestly don’t care if you think I’m crazy. You’re just a figment of my imagination anyway.
Today my role will be played by an overworked, under caffeinated, sarcastic, unstable, asshole. Consider this my disclaimer for the day.
Ever notice that the first 10 seconds of a medical drug commercial is spent telling you what the drug is for and the rest basically daring you to take it?
You`re not the sharpest knife in my back.
I dont have awkward moments I have "special" moments.e.g That "special" moment when my "special" ex learns that karma exist..
Gravity didn`t seem this strong twenty-five years ago.
It`s like my pastor always says, "Who are you and why are you stealing wine?"