Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
I do not have commitment issues... I`ve been buying the same brand of vodka for 8 years!
Okay so the pregnant woman in the library didn`t get my `overdue` joke.
i love you with all my butt. i would say heart but my butt is bigger :)
It`s a good thing Taylor Swift and Adele aren`t dating. Imagine if they broke up.
Fellas.....the girl on the flyer is never at the club
I farted on my wallet. Now I have gas money
Someone just told me to "Have a good morning". What about the rest of my day mother f*cker?
I like to think I`m special, because the thought of idiots like me existing in large numbers is f*cking terrifying.
If Olympic drinking was an event I would probably take gold in the floor routine.
I can`t help but feel insulted when that voice on the speaker calls me a Walmart shopper.
Never hire a color blind Bomb Technician.
My stalker twisted his ankle, so now I have to walk slower for 2-3 weeks.
Wait,,,, What does it mean when my bride uses air quotes during the vows???
Relationship status: Just got screamed at for peeling the carrots wrong.
I need to tell you something. I know it is going to break your heart and maybe you will not talk to me after the bad news. But I want you to hear it from me first instead of hearing it from someone else. This is going to make you cry I know. I first thought I must just keep quiet about it but I know it will not be fair on you. I am so ashamed to have to do this but you need to know the truth. Don`t be mad at me please. I will understand if you never want to hear from me ever again but it m