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Women don`t want to hear what you think. Women want to hear what they think.
If your lawyer has a ponytail, you`re going to jail
CAMPING TIP: If you get lost in the woods, a compass can help you get lost more North.
You know it`s gonna be a sh!tty day when you put your bra on backwords and it fits better.
It`s not that I`m judging you, but you hung your toilet roll the wrong way and I just think it best if we never spoke again.
Think of a number between 0 and 20. Add 40 to it. Multiply by 2. Subtract 3. Now close your eyes.... It`s dark isn`t it.
How come there`s never enough dirt to refill the hole even after you`ve put the body in? Asking for a friend
That sounds fried. I`ll take it.
If you have to guess what a commercial is selling, it`s always perfume.
I don`t appreciate my son`s teacher circling all the wine stains on his homework.
If my cats have taught me anything, its how to ignore people.
Imagine if trees gave off WiFi signals, We would be planting so many trees. And we`d probably save the planet too! Too bad they only produce the oxygen we breath :/
My friend thinks he`s so smart. He said onions are the only food that can make you cry. So I threw a coconut at his face.
I can`t wait to miss the upcoming season of American Idol.
I know my limits. I don’t pay any attention to them, but I know them