Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
Guy on plane : So, where are you going to? Me : I`m guessing it`s the same place you`re going.
Just took an inventory of my body and it appears to be overstocked in all the wrong places.
I bet if the movie "mirrors" releases part 3, the 1st victim will die while trying to take a selfie
RUN? I thought you said Rum. I quit.
I hate sharing popcorn with someone at the cinema and our fingers touch. Especially if I don`t know them, and they don`t know we`re sharing.
I can`t believe The Stones are still doing it after all these years. Someday I want to have a marriage like Fred and Wilma.
Please, if I ever offend you, it’s because I meant to.
Maybe there`s no such thing as automatic doors, just gentlemen ninjas.
Sometimes I just open up the cabinet and let the Tupperware hit me in the face on purpose.
Just stepped on the scale. Now I have to replace a broken window and add $467 to the curse word jar.
Everyone, please... a moment of silence for all my married friends who have a shared Facebook account.
"I need to talk to you” is the one sentence that has the power to make you remember every bad thing you’ve ever done in your life.
I will be forever in your debt if you would just loan me 1 million dollars.
My friend won a trip to China. He´s out there now... trying to win a trip back.
Dear Social Media, thanks for showing me that I can like people. So long as I don`t have to see, touch, or smell them.