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Adam: Eve, you read the terms and conditions before using that Apple product right? Eve: Uh yeah, totally
I`m not allowed to have any energy drinks until all the cat`s hair grows back.
Sometimes you run into people who change your life forever ... Bartenders, they are called bartenders.
I am a completely different person when I`m not under female supervision.
If you`re reading this then I`m wishing you a Happy New Year! Stay safe, have fun, and remember, I like New Years gifts too!
Behind every great women is a man checking out her a$$
I don’t write children’s books because the last page would always say: "Now shut up and go to sleep."
If god can artificially inseminate someone, why did he need two of every animal on the ark to repopulate the world?
I don’t drink water, unless it’s been through a brewery first.
You`re telling me, a chicken fried this rice
Why get married when you can just drive into oncoming traffic?
Love is like peeing on yourself: everyone can see it, but only you get the warm feeling that it brings.
Nothing is impossible.. Never Give Up.. I know a guy that once actually guessed correctly why his girlfriend was mad at him.. :|
I`m going to become a hermit as soon as I find a cave with a decent wifi connection.
Trouble is just fun you got caught having.