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Netflix doesn’t care if u showered or not
Does the sleeve tat go with my male pattern baldness and pot belly? Asking for a friend.
Take mentos and freeze into ice cubes. Put the ice cubes in your friend’s drink. After five minutes their drink will randomly explode.
Does all this status updating make my ego look fat?
I spend the first half of work fantasizing about all the different places I could go for lunch.
OH I´m sorry! I didn´t realise you were giving me a dirty look. I just thought you were ugly like that all the time!
I was called a sexist today ... I said, I think you`re mistaken ...its pronounced sexy
I bet short people get really excited when they accidentally hit their head on things.
You know that awkward moment when you thought someone`s talking to you so you reply to them , then they look at you weird .
I would really like to help you move your furniture tomorrow but I’m going to be too busy sitting on mine
If I had to describe myself in one word, it would be "bad at following directions."
I`ve upped my driving skills, no go Up yours!
Have you ever listened to somebody speak and wonder who ties their shoelaces for them?
If A-B-C-D didn`t drag out their part of the Alphabet song, LMNOP wouldn`t have to be so rushed.
Ran into a former supervisor from my last job today, kept driving.