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7 billion people on the planet and I can only tolerate maybe 10.
is available for rebound sex.
Why doesn’t McDonalds have an order taking microphone on both sides of the car, yet?
I think about hiring a maid way too often for someone who has plenty of time to clean.
I have been delaying my computer updates an hour for the past 3 years.
I got kicked out of the zoo for feeding the ducks ... to the alligators.
Some people just lack the ability to realize that everyone in the room wants them to shut up.
It`s only October 3rd and I`ve already beaten the sh!t out of two motion activated skeletons at store entrances.
You know you`re old when you come close to shaving your nipple off while trying to shave your legs!
never realized how awkward it is to study the reproductive system in a coffee shop.. until now.
It`s funny how we all sleep differently. I sleep on my side, my roommate sleeps on his back. My ex sleeps with everybody. That sort of thing.
It’s not a nap unless your face wakes up in a puddle of your own drool.
Campers: Nature`s way of feeding mosquitoes.
Day Light savings this weekend is pissing me off, we will lose a hour we will never get back...........wait...thinkin`.....I guess we do....carry on...
I like to walk by a chick in slow motion so she thinks i`m the one