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Sticks and stones may break my bones but words... words might hurt me deeply, causing great emotional, mental, and psychological damage leading toward a lowered self-esteem and irregular bowel movements.
I`m getting a mistletoe tramp stamp.
The fastest way to get someone to call you back is to take a shower.
Gym update: not there
If the river were beer and I was a duck, I would swim to the bottom and never come up..
Guess what I saw today? Everything I looked at.
You know you`re getting old when you fall down and wonder what else you can do while you`re down there.
You are the pebble in my shoe of people
Time flies when you`re throwing watches.
You know you are meant to be when you high five after sex.
I always wanted to buy a Parrot and teach it to say, "Help, they`ve turned me into a parrot!"
"I" before "E" except after "Old MacDonald had a farm"
I wish "You idiot" was an appropriate way to end a work email.
I just lost my mood ring, I don`t know how I feel about that.
I got Mood Poisoning. Must have been something I hate.