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Simmer down joggers running in place at a stop light, simmer down.
I think the next Star Wars movie should go Country! I would be excited to see Garth Vader.........
I try to avoid things that make me look fat, like scales, mirrors and photographs!
"Rear facing, pedal activated photon cannon" sounds much more badass than "brake lights"
If there is one-thing in this would i don`t like being thought is ... a lesson.
The most beautiful things in the world cannot be seen or even touched. At least, that`s what the restraining order says.
I`ve had such a bad week First my girlfriend got run over by a bus, then I lost my job.. ..as a bus driver
Although no one can go back and make a brand new start, anyone can start from now and make a brand new ending.
I hate when homesless people shake their cup of coins at me. It`s like yeah I know you have more money than me, no need to rub it in.
They called themselves geologists because stoners was already taken.
Why can`t insomnia start in the morning.
She texted me: "Your adorable.". I replied: "No, you`re adorable." Now she thinks I like her. All I did was point out her typo!
In order to avoid hating myself in the morning, I sleep till noon.
My desire to be well informed is currently in deep conflict with my need to stay sane.
What do I look for in a girl? Well she has to be hot. And well-rounded. And cheesy. Extra guac. Wait, wrong list, this is my Chipotle order.