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When I was a kid they didn`t call it "Behavioral Disorders", They called it "Being a little brat".
That awkward moment when your sarcasm is so advanced people think you`re stupid.
some people just need a hug...around the neck...with a rope!!
The best thing about the internet is how quickly you can offend the maximum amount of people with minimum effort
My new years resolution was to lose 30 pounds by the end of summer. I`ve only got 40 pounds to go.
Things I hate about work: 1. Waking up 2. Humans 3. Working
I’m that kind of person who between two choices always pick the wrong one.
I’m “had to actually call a girl on the home phone to ask her out while hoping my mom didn’t pick up and start dialing” years old.
Congrats on winning an argument with your woman...... Your prize is a night on the couch.
10% of people genuinely care about your problems. The other 90% are glad that you’ve got them.
They call them heated seats because rear defroster was already taken
Maybe this comment wont be important for you guys here. Some of you will ignore it, most of yall wont bother to read and it`ll go unnoticed along with some others. maybe I`ll be criticized for this but I just want to let yall know I`m selling potatoes
I miss the good old days..when you could slam the phone down.!!
"..all the king`s horses & all the king`s men couldn`t get Humpty together again" ... What guy thought horses might figure it out?
I snuck popcorn into the movie theatre but they won`t let me use their microwave.