Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
You know you are getting old when you see girls from TEEN category moved to MATURE & MILFS.
Humpty Dumpty sat on a wall, Humpty Dumpty had a great fall (he also had a pretty good summer too).
It`s a beautiful day, think I`ll skip my meds and stir things up a bit.
Handle every stressful situation like a Dog.....Pee on it and walk away.
How did the person who invented the first clock know what time it was?
Doctors who expect me to pee on command, I`m not some kind of stunt pee-er, you know.
Sometimes I mop the carpet just so my wife doesn`t ask me to help with stuff.
I fell asleep at the wheel last weekend. My pottery was ruined.
Apparently there is no age limit on ignorance.
You couldn`t handle me even if I came with instructions.
I`ve never literally been tortured but I have walked behind old people when I was in a hurry.
Ever been in the middle of writing a great post and think, did I just run someone over?
I`d like to help you out. Which way did you come in?
I`m not sure who`s more drunk, me or the guy wrapped in Christmas lights standing in the mirror.
People who say they suffer from constipation are usually full of sh!t.