Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
Only 273 fruit roll-ups to go until I get my full serving of fruit...
I have a confession to make. I was born with a rare disease called “Amazing.”
My nephew asked me what marriage was like. So I gave him a candy bar and told him not to eat it.
Your kid is running around the store screaming at the top of his lungs annoying everyone and I`m the a$$hole for tripping him?
Just got a new phone. Pretty pissed all my contacts were not lost.
Every dog is a badass until you decide to vacuum.
Imagine taking your girlfriend to your friends house for the 1st time, and her phone automatically connects to his password protected wifi.
My favorite thing about decorative towels is how you`re not allowed to use them. Because nothing says class like useless towels.
My friend offered me a free pole dance class. I said no. With my debt, the last thing I need to find out is that I`m great at pole dancing.
If you don`t remember her name in the morning, take her to Starbucks.
I wish electronics would scream a little bit when you unplugged them.
I don’t care if it’s 1 A.M. I don’t consider it “tomorrow” until I wake up.
I don`t hate you, but I hope you fall in love and get married.
I always put a little umbrella in my drink so it doesn`t dilute in the shower.
100 years ago everyone owned a horse and only the rich had cars. Today everyone has cars and only the rich own horses. The stables have turned.