Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
There is nothing sadder than waking and turning to see the love of your life`s face to find she has deflated in the night.
I`m actually a pretty normal person when you ignore the faint cries for help coming from my basement..
I`ll tell you what a woman wants. She wants you to drag her to the bedroom, toss her down, and do the dishes and laundry while she takes a nap.
FYI: The signs that say "Falling Rocks"....I tried it.....it doesn`t.
Your secrets are safe with me, because I probably wasn’t listening to begin with.
Why do they ask you "Please press 1 for English, then put you with someone who`s accent is so thick you can`t understand them?
The office Christmas party is a great opportunity to catch up with people you haven`t seen for half an hour.
The number one key to a successful marriage is alcoholism.
In a new study women with large a$$es live longer………the men who tell them live distinctively shorter lives.
There could be literally thousands of chameleons in your house right now and you don`t even know it.
Oh, so you are thinking about me? I am also thinking about myself.....
Some people need a shock collar. I need the remote.
Golf is such a strange game. You shout four, shoot six, and write down five.
I’m jealous of a book character for having sex with another character but sure come ask my advice about your marriage.
Just because I know I`m a "Good looking, extremely intelligent, funny as hell, sexy ass, Motherf#ker" doesn`t mean I`m "Conceited"...Im more like a "Realist", that just so happens to be very good with adjectives!...A "Bad-Ass Realist", that is!