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You’re going to make some cats very happy one day.
Some will forget, the others are simply women.
That awkward moment when the mosquito is more interested in persistently banging it`s head against the windshield of your vehicle in an attempt to escape your presence than it is in trying to bite you. #feelingunattractive
I went to my local shop for a paper the other day. A guy out of no where started to throw eggs, cream and milk at me. I thought to myself how dairy?
OMG! I just discovered that if I align them JUST right, that I can make your boobs stand straight up (just like the broom trick)! Message me for an appointment! ;)
I`m growing a mullet to test our friendship.
The closest I`ve come to being an athlete is using Adobe Acrobat.
If cats could talk, they`d probably always be correcting your grammar.
My boys cleaned out my car and now my change is missing. Little do they know, it costs exactly $3.63 to turn our wifi back on.
What do the letters DNA stand for? National Dyslexics Association
Trying to untwist a twizzler is a real b*tch and this gas station cashier yelling at me isn`t helping.
I don’t have nightmares... I create them for others ;-)
Knowledge is like underwear. It is useful to have it, but not necessary to show it off.
My son wants to be a shrink when he grows up... Clearly I`ve failed to teach him our family`s place in the psychiatric process...
My New Year`s resolution is to help all my friends gain ten pounds so I look skinnier.