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When you have a lot, you have hair. When you only have a few, you have hairs.
If there are ice cream trucks in the summer, why aren’t there Starbucks pumpkin spice latte trucks in the winter?
Wow! it`s late.. I need to hit the sack........ Then go to bed.
Truth is, it’s not a “long story”… I’m just too damn lazy to explain it.
It`s amazing how important someone can make you feel with a smile, a kind word or the occasional stalking.
I wonder if people that live in Hawaii have screensavers of bumper to bumper traffic?
You know you had a good night when your first call the next morning is from the bank making sure your card wasn’t stolen.
Slowly, Waldo`s wife and Mr. Sandiego started putting the pieces together.
"Dora" only rhymes with "Explorer" if you`re from Long Island, New York
If a woman is talking to me about her problems, I better be the cause of them.
I always buy a Get Well Soon card for the couple who invites me to their wedding.
I like to refer to myself as a "Second-hand Vegetarian". Animals eat grass. I eat animals.
I robbed a bank yesterday....now the question is, what to do with all that sperm....
Imagine how out of control drinking would if we didn`t have hangovers
Love your enemies; after all, you made them!