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Give Me A Minute While I Pretend To Care!
Anyone else see the irony in Disney World?.. You know, the fact that it`s a giant human trap, ...set by a mouse.
At hotels, you can either take a helicopter tour of the city or drink the bottle of water on the table. They cost the same.
Bitches be trippin..... ok, maybe I pushed that one.
Its a shame I don`t have 5 incomes to go with my 5 personalities.. Damn free loaders
I didn´t outsmart you. You just outdumbed me.
The ultimate home security system is having crappy stuff.
It’s not real love unless you leave your phone in plain sight overnight.
My phone tried to autocorrect "f*cking" to "f*ck king," and I was like hell yeah I am.
I like to punish people who ask me how I`m doing by giving them a detailed description of how I am doing.
Do homeless people get Knock Knock Jokes?
Rump roast is called rump roast because nobody would eat it if it was called cow`s ass
I just quit my job at the helium bottling plant. I refuse to be spoken to in that tone!
Keep it up and I`ll make sure u end up on a milk carton.
I got carded at the liquor store. While getting my ID out my Blockbuster card fell out. He laughed and said "Never mind."