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I can`t wait to meet that special someone who will eventually ignore me.
Whoever snuck the s in “fast food” is a clever person.
It’s like I wanna be left alone but I still want people to notice my absence, you know.
If all men are created equal then why are there midgets?
If you think women are the weaker sex, try pulling the blankets back to your side.
Send prayers. Laura on Facebook didn`t realize she was out of syrup until AFTER the pancakes were made! It`s causing quite a stir...
If there is enough room to spell `bootylicious` on the back of your shorts...it probably isn`t
Okay, If we get caught here’s the story…
Dear Stomach: You`re bored, not hungry. Shut up.
I`ve decided to add more positivity in my life. So, now when I say someone`s an a@#hole, I qualify it with......... but he`s really good at it...........and I`m positive about that!
Part of me says I can´t keep drinking like this. The other part of me says, "Don´t listen to that guy. He´s drunk."
Never run after a man or a bus, there is always another one coming.
A "Tap Out" sticker on your mini van still makes it a mini van.
God: Is there anything else you need Adam? Adam: yes I want a Sandwich! God: Ok let`s create eve.
Elevators are so stupid. They have a button for the floor I`m already on.