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Nothing says "My life isn`t going exactly as I planned" quite like being at Wal Mart at 1am.
Top uses for Golf Balls: 1. Describing hail storms 2. Describing tumors 3. Playing golf
can´t seem to find love. but its okay. I know exactly where the beer is.
I really hate it when someone else creates something that I haven`t had the chance to think of first...
You laugh because I´m different. I laugh cause I just farted!
I`ve been told that I can be condescending... that means that I tend to talk down to people.
Dating should be like buying a car... You should get to talk to the previous owners! SHOW ME THE MANFAX
Using my invisible hula hoop really freaks people out.
There’s literally no way to know how many chameleons are in your house.
Never fight anyone who bows to you first.
If the waitress in the One Bell Pub is reading this can we please have our pudding now, cheers
These people keep looking at me like I`m the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
It’s not you. It’s my ears. They just make you sound so boring and dull.
Good for you, people that do things.
A third zebra strolls casually while whistling and pretending to read a newspaper onto Noah`s ark.