Daily Silly Status

I like to dump Skittles in the toilet and then flush it because it looks like a little tiny NASCAR race.

I like to drink while I clean and that`s how I found out what Febreze tastes like.

Love is like hearing your favorite song for the first time. Then listening to it over and over again till you hate that song.

The earth moves 1.6 million miles per day. So no I didn`t just "lay in bed and watch TV all day" I traveled very far thank u

I peed so hard that a little laugh came out

It`s hard to take life serious once you realize people jamming their genitals in each others mouths is considered a sign of affection.

"Go left at the chopsticks in the road" - Chinese directions

Retirement plans compared .. If you had purchased $1000.00 of Nortel stock one year ago, it would now be worth $49.00. With Enron, you would have $16.50 left of the original $1000. With WorldCom, you would have less than $5.00 left. If you had purchased $1000.00 of Delta Air Lines stock you would have $49.00 left. If you had purchased United Airlines, you would have nothing left. But, if you had purchased $1000.00 worth of beer one year ago, drank all the beer, then turned in the cans for recycl

They should just go ahead and put a volume setting on my TV that says "Eating Doritos".

Don`t wait until you`re on your deathbed to tell people how you really feel because you could be too weak to raise your middle finger.

I`m on that “Starts tomorrow” diet.

Christmas is over. We now return to our regularly scheduled self centered lives already in progress.

Pay phones should be replaced with chargers for cell phones.

You know you`ve reached adulthood when your bed is in the middle of the wall instead of in the corner.

My ex-girlfriend broke up with me because she says I was obsessed with football. I was shocked. I mean we were together for 3 1/2 seasons.