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Somebody has to be awesome…might as well be me.
Had to talk with my son about masturbation today...I explained that it is natural, and he should probably knock before he comes into my room from now on.
How come know-it-alls don`t know how annoying they are?
I glued the TV remote to my wife. I`m expecting her to go missing any second now.
Wow, I haven`t seen you since the last time I wish I hadn`t seen you
The internet...turning cowards into tough guys daily.
I read that taking a long, hot bath can help with managing stress. Unfortunately my boss doesn`t approve.
Personally, I think failure should be an option
What sucks about those little hotel shampoo bottles is there`s no room for the directions so you kind of have to wing it.
We are hosting a charity concert for people who struggle to reach orgasm. If you can’t come, let me know.
I’m in a rush to go home and do absolutely nothing.
The awkward moment when you’ve already said “what?” three times and still have no idea what the person said, so you just agree.
"Oh!Look The Smurfs Grew Up!"Grandma those are Avatars." -_-
gua suka sama kamu
Burglars must love "My Family Stickers". They can wait in front of someone`s house, count the people that leave, and know if they have a dog or not...