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The roof of my mouth just healed from that Hot Pocket I had in 2003.
Guns don`t kill people. Girls who get tagged in a photo before they get a chance to see it kill people.
Meanwhile on Facebook, someone has made a casserole...
Jehovah`s witnesses tell the worst knock, knock jokes
I can eat anything in the house unless it was specifically bought for my wife but the only way to know it`s for her is to eat it. Apparently
I love when bill collectors ask if you can borrow the money...uh I did that before and I think we both know how that turned out.
The first step is admitting you’re a problem.
I`m one step away from being rich, all I need now is money.
Covers on, too hot. Covers off, too cold. One foot out would prolly be ok, but I don’t wanna be dragged from bed paranormal activity style.
I bet my church never imagined it was even possible to twerk to Amazing Grace.
I find that some of the best jokes are the ones that drag you in slowly and then leave you waiting in antici...
I`ve accidentally swallowed a load of scrabble pieces.........My next poop could spell trouble.
Sorry a remote fell out when you took off my bra
That awkward moment when the creepy guy in the white van doesn`t have candy...
So many fun things to say ... too many relatives on Facebook to post!