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Try sliding down a water slide without running water to realize how important foreplay is
Patience is not about how long you can wait, but how well you behave while waiting.
The early bird catches the worm. And the late bird catches one of the other trillion worms left. What`s your point?
Friday is like a superhero that always arrives just in time to prevent me from savagely beating my coworkers with a keyboard.
Getting up in the morning is like writing an essay. You want to do it, it takes a lot of effort, and you usually quit halfway through.
just read a list of "the 100 things to do before you die." I´m pretty surprised "yell for help" wasn´t one of them.
I hate bugs that fly, jump, crawl, dougie, twerk, 2 step, all that crap.
I try to avoid trouble but I think it likes me.
I would lose weight, but I hate losing..
I was wondering why my doctor gave me LSD for my constipation, then I saw a dragon and crapped myself.
I only support ghost hunting if you need the ghost for food.
Wanted a nap but had trouble getting to sleep. So I put on Seeking a Friend for the End of the World. Now 13 hours later, I`m well rested.
I`m not opposed to manscaping, but I don`t see the point of cutting the grass until somebody takes interest in the property.
Sometimes in life, all you really need is a lot of money.
"I love you unconditionally*." -God *certain terms and conditions apply. See Bible for more details.