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I hate grocery shopping. That`s why I just steal a full cart when somebody turns away. I never know what I`m getting, but it sure is faster.
Is it called NASCAR because that’s the way a hillbilly pronounces “nice car?”
It’s the getting ahead that I’m running behind on.
Ran into the girl who broke my heart. Totally worth the damage to my car.
There is no such thing as a stupid question, but there are such things as stupid people who ask questions.
Sometimes you have got to talk to a 3year old toddler in order to understand the meaning of happiness in life.
These ‘energy saving’ light-bulbs are bullsh!t. They take just as much effort to screw in as the ordinary ones.
If one goes to online college, do they have to haze them self?
Did you hear about the Cannibal that "passed" his Uncle in the Jungle?...............
Whenever a buddy of mine wants to borrow something, I remind them that everything I own has touched my balls.
Here, take my hand. Now slap yourself with it.
If you see me smiling in public it means I’m laughing at the jokes I tell myself in my head.
Pretty busy today. Was only able to check my phone 1400 times.
Why isn`t cat food made from birds, mice and squirrels??
Just backed into a Jaguar but I left him a note on my bank statement so he knows not to bother calling