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She might be ugly now, but wait a few more drinks.
Life can be like Chess sometimes. I don`t know how to play Chess.
I`ve disappointed a lot of people in my life, you`re not special.
If a man says something in the woods.. And there are no women there.. Is he still wrong? O_o
Sometimes I think I`m a relatively smart person. Other times I put my shoes on before my pants and realize who I really am.
Women aren’t that complicated. They just want an honest and genuine guy who will give them insincere compliments they might not deserve.
Life is a constant battle between my love of food & not wanting to get fat.
I`m high as a kite! Let me rephrase that: I`m stuck in a tree.
That awkward moment when you leave a store without buying anything and all you can think is “act natural, you’re innocent”.
I bet someone could get really rich opening a business that untangles Christmas lights!
Interesting fact: Prior to the creation of hummus and ranch dressing nobody ate uncooked vegetables.
Our brain took two billion years to evolve. Two billion trips around the Sun. All so humans can use it to look at kittens on the Internet.
Today I caught myself smiling ... I was thinking of you ... Don´t flatter yourself though, it was because you had a booger in your nose the last time I saw you.
"That`s too much bacon." -Nobody ever
BREAKING NEWS: Will Smith sends Miley Cyrus to live with auntie and uncle in Bel Air.