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ALCOHOL - Because no good story ever started with someone drinking a glass of orange juice.
I`ll be taking my time and yours,, thank you....... -- all 80 yr. old drivers
Note to Self: Next time I leave my wife a message that I`m in a threesome all afternoon, specify it`s golf.
For all of you who gossip about me: Thanks for making me the center of your world.
Just used the "f word" over on FB so I`m waiting for the villagers with their torches, axes, whatever those people use.
Sports commentators need to stop saying penetrate
I miss flip phones because at the end of a conversation you could always dramatically close them like, bitch whatever.
Republicans are red, Democrats are blue. The government is shut down cause neither one gives a damn about you.
āIā before āEā especially after āPā. Mmmm pie
Don`t call me names, you don`t know enough words to describe me
If there`s a bar where everybody knows your name, you`re probably an alcoholic.
Alcohol does not make you fat. It makes you lean. Mostly against walls, tables, chairs, bars, floors & occasionally, weirdos ..
We`ll be friends `til we`re old and senile ... Then we`ll be new friends.
I always win at chess ... by hitting my opponent with a brick.
I was in my kitchen cleaning when suddenly I realized OMG! ... I`m late for Facebook!!