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Common sense is like deodorant; those that need it most, don’t use it.
Somewhere, a smart Lasik surgeon has an office full of brochures that are all slightly out of focus and a recovery room where they have clear print.
Cubic Zirconium`s slogan should be: Guys can fake it too!
Apologizing for canceling a meeting is like saying sorry for buying me a beer.
What`s the right age to stop running naked from the bedroom to the bathroom?
Men are a lot like kids, if you want to shut them up, put a boob in their mouth.
Never look at your beer as half-empty. Look at it as you’re halfway to your next beer.
I spent 2 hours cleaning this kitchen. Mess it up and I will cut you! ... Love MOM
When I`m older, I`m going to buy one of those Volkswagen Bugs. Only because I have a excuse to hit my wife every time we go somewhere.
So last night I put a whopee cushion on moms chair, waited and finally heard it go off.. I walk in with a massive smile on my face to find out that she hadn`t even sat on it yet.
Girl: I have changed my mind. Boy: Thank God! Does the new one work?
Sitting in traffic like the non-helicopter owning loser that I am.
Would the 2 Sonic dudes just get it over with and kiss already
Saying "cool" also means, I don`t give a sh!t.
I`d totally order a salad bar. If it had lettuce, tomatoes, cheese, ketchup, mustard, hamburger and buns.