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I know I`m in trouble when the voice in my head starts using my middle name
what does bgif mean on a friday night ? ... boobs go in front
My friend named her female dog Karma... Karmas a bitch.
There are no problems which cannot be solved through suitable application of high explosives.
"Let the chips fall where they may." -My kids when they`re eating chips on the couch.
If you hear sirens and see some naked dude with jeans on his head running down the street, be sure to throw me a beer.
Tired of those Political Ads on television?...... You may be entitled to compensation.
Some people should use a glue stick instead of chap stick.
My relationship with whiskey has been on the rocks lately
My business card is just a picture of me looking inside the fridge.
A group hug in my family means someone wants to use you as a napkin.
I ordered a chicken and an egg from Amazon. I’ll let you know.
I`m 50% sure this cross eyed guy is starring at my tits.
I just don`t think a partridge in a pear tree would make a great gift
I’m trying to read a book about how to relax, but I keep falling asleep