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If you see anything posted from me that involves something normal or appropriate, it is not me. I believe I`ve been hacked.
So, all theses years I thought it was the dyer making my shirts not fit. now I`m pretty sure it the refrigerator.
my cross-eyed girlfriend left me today. She was seeing someone else.
How about putting that screaming kid on vibrate
Which nipple does the red jumper cable go on? Asking for a friend.
I hate sharing popcorn with someone at the cinema and our fingers touch. Especially if I don`t know them, and they don`t know we`re sharing.
The worst thing about rich people is I`m not one of them.
is pondering why people have a favorite color M&M when they all taste the same!
Alcohol is never the answer...unless, of course, you ask what I`ll be doing tonight.
Can I have your number or do you just want the 8 dollars for the drink?
According to my current parking spot, I`m Chief of Police.
Tonight I’m going to have my favorite drink. It’s called “a lot.”
My insomnia is getting worse. I was wide awake all day at work yesterday.
I hope my liquor store is having an after Christmas sale!!
How long does it take to get obsessed?