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Be the reason someone smiles today. Or the reason they drink. You choose your own adventure.
The women at this gym act like nobody’s ever tried taking their measurements before.
I don`t really want to make bad choices; but I`m always late, and all the good choices are already taken..
Are you tired of every day being the same? Congratulations, you’re an adult!
I`ve come to terms with the fact that I will never experience leftover pizza.
with great power...comes great electric bill...
Life`s tough. It`s tougher if you`re stupid...
If the world dosen`t end on the 21st, I sure do have a lot of MREs to gift wrap.
Let`s be honest, Dos Equis. After a bunch of ANY beer, what guy DOESN`T think he`s the most interesting man in the world?
The only complaint I have about being married is being married.
I Like this quote. I dislike this quote. I am so clever that sometimes I don´t understand a single word of what I am saying.
Porn is the one industry where segregating races, genders, sexual preference, is completely acceptable
Why eat a carrot when you can just as easily not eat a carrot?
I`m a little Stressed right now ... Just turn around and leave quietly and no one gets hurt.
I wish all my freckles would just mix into a tan.