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I`ll be taking my time and yours,, thank you....... -- all 80 yr. old drivers
McDonald’s steps 1) Get really excited about it 2) Eat it 3) Regret eating it 4) Wish you were dead 5) Repeat in a few months
When I was your age we had to open all doors by ourselves ... None of them knew we were coming.
If someone hates you for no reason, give that motherf*cker a reason.
It`s unfortunate that most people will never run out of things to say.
Guuuyyyysssss, never ever play leapfrog with a unicorn.... Its not worth it.....
We are guaranteed "life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness". So, why did happiness get a Lamborghini and I got a `74 Pinto?????
Women`s logic: I went to buy a suit. But i saw a beautiful pair of shoes. So i bought this handbag.
1, 2 Freddie´s coming for u 3, 4 better lock the door 5, 6 grab your crucifix 7, 8 gotta say up late 9, 10 never sleep again
Sometimes I wish my dog could talk…then I remember all the things he has seen me do when I’m alone.
24 hours in a day.. 24 beers in a case.. coincidence?
Turns out a crash diet doesn`t mean having vodka with every meal and falling down the stairs!
With all the new car technology you would think someone could invent a side mirror that could show where an object actually appears.
"Stop, Drop, and Roll" is not JUST an effective fire safety technique, but also a very memorable way of getting out of a boring conversation. :P
I`m great at balloon animals. You should see my eel, snake, and worm.