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Is it hibernation time yet? Because I am 100% into that.
Look UPS guy, you can`t just show up at someone`s house unannounced and expect them to have pants on.
I heard an ex got run down by a bus today. I thought "Wow, that could have been me!" But then, I can`t drive a bus..
If your ever wondering who your real friends are all you have to do is delete your facebook account for about week without saying anything and see who calls
I found $40 in my jeans. The kid in me says "Buy dart guns and candy", but the adult in me says "Buy vodka, dart guns and candy".
Life would be so much better if throughout the day we encountered randomly placed Piñatas
I’d be much more interested in meeting people if I didn’t think most people were idiots.
Appearing on several episodes of Cops doesn`t make you a TV star.
If someone says you`re not a mermaid, don`t talk to them. You don`t need that kind of negativity in your life.
I have decided to stop exercising and just learn Photoshop.
I`m paying my taxes with a smile, but they wrote me back saying they want cash.
GOOGLE must be a woman because it knows everything.
Im having a problem in Call Of Duty, I go to the menu and... alright by now the girls have stopped reading this, anyone know any good porn sites?
If you don`t believe that women will actually fight over a pair of shoes, you`ve never watched The Wizard of Oz!
Ok ... I just had a talk with myself, and it did not go well. Now I`m grounded.