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Spread happiness by smiling at a stranger today...or flash them your boobs. Strangers love boobs!
"It seemed like a good idea at the time"............................... An often used phrase in a lot of my memories.
I`m really wanting to sit and watch a movie with my boyfriend. Can anyone recommend a good boyfriend?
Netflix is soo much better than going out and pretending to like people.
I bet you 20 dollas I`m broke
How to fall down stairs: Step 1 Step 6 Step 7,8,9,11
Am I the only one that always puts my wallet back into my pocket before getting my change back?
Found out the name of my neighbor`s cat. In other news, I now have free internet.
I just blew all my party money on bills again
Don`t you wish it was as easy to adjust the brightness level on people as it is on your phone?
I do love you for your mind, I just like your mind a lot more when you’re naked.
OK look, if I meet you for a date and you don`t look anything like your pic, then you`re buying drinks for me until you do.
My resume is really just a list of things I never want to do again.
Surprise your wife today. Sell all her shoes and buy something nice for yourself.
You know you`re getting old when Happy Hour is a nap.