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Boss: Are you high? Me: You and I both know that I don`t make enough money to have a drug habit.
Remember when double entry was an accounting term?
Just checked my Farmville for the first time in 2 years... It`s now a Walmart.
Detroit and Chicago seem to be getting it right as of late. Limit all politicians to two terms. One in elected Office and one in prison.
I just don’t want to look back and think “I could’ve eaten that.”
I`m not ignoring you, I am simply giving you time to reflect on what an idiot you are being.
I will always love you, even if I have to from no closer than 300 feet.
Stapling water to a tree is easier than controlling your laughter at serious times.
If I could have dinner with anyone, alive or dead, there is no question. I would want them to be alive.
If you give a man a fish you kinda suck at picking out gifts.
Oh honey, you`re not pretty enough to be that stupid
I AM doing something with my life. It’s called screwing around.
Home: The place where I can look ugly and enjoy it.
You don`t know pissed off until she tells you to go sleep on the couch, and you take all the covers with you.
I like people the most when I`m by myself.