Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
Roses are red, violets are blue. I have 5 fingers, the middle one is for you.
My eye problems starts on Mondays and ends on Friday evening. I see clearer after the fourth bottle.
my ex girlfriends started they`re own website they call it two faced book...
Awkward moment when you don’t know if you were offered gum out of generosity or if your breath stinks.
Just told my dog "Don`t walk in your own poop" and it strikes me as good advice to pass on to the rest of you as well. Please: don`t.
Repeat after me: It doesn’t matter how big the problem is, posting it on Facebook won’t solve it.
There may be two sides to every story, but you’re still a douche in both of them.
A lot of times I wonder if people think my girlfriend is only with me for my money.....but I am always reassured by the fact that I don`t have any money..........or a girlfriend....
"Crazy" is just another name for "Someone who knows how to have fun"
I`ve been married twice. The next wife I have will be someone else`s and she can just go home when she`s mad at me.
My mother-in-law fell down a wishing well, I was amazed, I never knew they worked.
I hate driving so much that I even ring for taxis on grand theft auto.
Is food porn star a thing yet??
The phrase “Ignore it and it will go away.” does NOT apply to being chased by a dozen cop cars.....trust me on this one.
The best way to let people remember you is to `borrow money from them`