Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
I`m just a few smartphone apps away from never having to talk to anyone again.
My wife and I toss a coin to settle arguments; heads she wins, tails I apologise.
A married man has 2 options in an argument...he can be right or he can be happy
May your Labor Day contain no Labor!
Yes, autocorrect, that`s right. I hate that stupid ditch
You don`t need training to be a street cleaner, you just pick it up as you go along.
Time travel means never having to say you`re sorry...
A homeless guy just asked me for money, and I almost gave it to him, but then I thought... he`s just going to use it for alcohol, and then I thought... That`s what I`m going to use it for.
These energy drinks make sitting on the couch so much more exciting.
People would believe everything I say.. if it wasn`t for everything I say.
I don`t get nearly enough credit for managing not to be a violent psychopath
A sheep spends it`s entire life fearing the wolf only to be eaten by the Shepherd.
Be nice to people on your way up so they won’t get suspicious when you’re rich and you invite them to your island to hunt them for sport.
I asked my girlfriend why she never tells me when she orgasms. She said she doesn`t like phoning me at work.
Mosquito`s and parking inspectors must be from the same family...