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You left a note on the fridge saying "This isn`t working. Goodbye" but I opened it and it was working perfectly well. I don`t get it.
I had a terrible dream about mufflers and now I`m exhausted.
I once peed a girl`s name in the snow, so don`t fcuking tell me I don`t know romance.
I`d rather have my arms fall off than make two trips carrying in groceries.
Am I the only one who thinks my body should have better things to do than make nipple hair?
Iām not shy, Iām just really good out figuring out who is not worth talking to.
A recent report shows that people who smoke weed get into 85% fewer car crashes than drunk people. Obviously. It`s a lot easier to see what`s coming when you`re only driving at eleven miles an hour.
My favorite thing around the holidays is being put into a group message with 200 people reply "Who`s This"
No thank you, I don`t need a coaster. I won`t be putting my drink down.
Leave the past behind. Smile every day. Never wear underwear. I don`t know. Inspirational post are hard.
take a left on crazy, keep going until you hit insane. Follow that down to lunatic, turn right on insomnia, way past retarded and there you are @ my place!
Tonight I`m playing hard to get off the sofa.
I bought a book on eBay called, "How to scam on eBay". That was 2 months ago, and it`s not arrived yet
Iām not lazy, I just really enjoy doing nothing.
No Grandma, "sausage fest" is not a new special breakfast at IHOP