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At the end of the day, it`s 11:59pm.
My fantasy is having two men at once. One cooking. One cleaning.
After meeting me... my therapist is now in therapy...
I made it halfway to Mexico before I realized that those sirens were just coming from the song on my radio.
I’m not a schizophrenic… At least, that’s what all the voices tell me.
Things are more like they are now than they ever were before.
Some people just bring out the psycho in me
You’d be amazed how often I’m wrong when people say guess what.
Be thankful for Facebook, the way gas prices are headed we may never actually see each other again.
When dealing with women, you can either be right or get laid. You can`t have both.
The one thing you can always count on is your fingers.
For some reason I`m an extremely secretive person. Don`t ask me why
If you had to choose between your significant other and a million dollars, what`s the first thing you`d buy?
Doctors are saying that each piece of bacon you eat takes off 9 minutes of your life.. According to my calculations i should have died in 1732.
Can I get likes for no reason?