Daily Silly Status

I don`t smoke,i don`t drink,don`t do drugs. I only have one small problem, i lie.

Caller ID should be more detailed~ "Wants Help Moving" "Going to Whine" "Will Ask to Borrow Money"

Shouldn`t there have been one scene in The Karate Kid where Daniel`s mom was like "Why are you constantly in that old man`s shed?"

If revenge is a dish best served cold AND revenge is sweet then revenge is basically ice cream. Bring it.

If I was a funeral director, I would tie the shoe laces together of the deceased.Then the zombie apocalypse would be hilarious.

My doctor is getting really tired of me asking if the stuff I see in commercials is right for me.

Sometimes I really want to throw paper at people. Brick shaped Paper. Made of brick.

My friend told me his girlfriend talks a lot in her sleep..Apparently "I know" was not the right answer...

That awkward moment when the woman your dancing behind bends over so you can grind it, and you realize she`s just lost an earring and nobody in Starbucks can hear your iPod...

Shout out to all the girls who don`t have to dress half naked to get a man`s attention. Stay classy! And the rest of you come with me.

Im thinking, The best part about sitting down at the computer for a minute and making a status message like this is that by the time you`ve finished reading it and taking a minute out of your day you`ll have a brand sense of enlightenment and awareness that you never had before once you realize that there is absolutely no point to this post whatsoever.

Beware of the deodorants with instructions that ask you to "remove the top and push up bottom"... they could at least make them round.

The easiest way for me to lose inches is to switch to the metric system.

This coworker is about to find out walking around smiling on a Monday always leads to workplace accidents.

My GF`s anti aging cream went bad ... How does anti aging cream have an expiration date?!