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wants to remind you this Halloween, that as a general rule, don`t solve riddles that open portals to Hell.
I have to wonder why we have "non-essential" government employees in the first place.
We laughed, we cried, we tried another credit card.
Lazy fact #128540162, You were too lazy to read that number.
Is "blowjob" one word or two words? God I hate writing thank you cards. -Bfanch
If God is watching us, the least we can do is be entertaining.
When a cashier asks if you have a rewards card, look down, sigh, and say, "My wife took everything when she left"
If I owned a copy store I would only hire identical twins.
A lot of attractive people are like nice cars with the check engine light on.
Daylight Savings makes us lose an hour... It’s kind of like Facebook.
Of course the Pilgrims had a lot to be thankful for, all their in-laws were back in Europe.
Condoms prevent minivans.
Darn right I’m good in bed. ...I can sleep for days.
I`m the perfect man if you don`t factor in looks, depth of character, emotional availability, intelligence or financial well being.
"There are singles in your area." - me telling a stripper she forgot some money on the floor