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Bologna sandwiches are parents way of saying... it`s my legal obligation to feed you something.
I`m not Unemployed, I`m just taking my next job`s vacation in advance...
I used to drink a lot in the 80s. Then I realized, who cares what the temperature is.
Based on the condition of my hair in the morning, I`d say there`s a 100% chance my hair has more fun than I do when I sleep.
Yes, I know how to shut up. I just don´t know when.
When you msg me @ 9:30am w/ just "Morning," don`t be shocked when I wait till 12:00pm & respond w/ "Noon." Seriously, what did ya expect?
Euphoria....the feeling you get when you finally beat "that" level on Candy Crush.
Why do people ask "What were you thinking?" Obviouly, I thought I was going to get away with it!
All I`m saying is if I`m not allowed to give a monkey a gun at the zoo they should have a sign.
Every day is a constant battle of trying to convince myself I don’t like cookies.
Take me seriously at your own risk.
Having a dirty mind makes simple conversation much more exciting!
Sometimes entire relationships can only be described as “that weird thing I did for a while.”
Why buy it for $7 when you can make it yourself with $92 worth of craft supplies.
How I sing it: "A, B, C, D, E, F, G,....H, I, J, K, A LEMON OH PEE!....Q, R, S....T, U, V....W, X....Y, and Z."