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If you just got invited to do something on New Year`s Eve, it means someone else cancelled.
Sometimes knowing exactly where you are does not make you any less lost.
You say peeping tom. I say highly active member of the neighborhood watch.
I celebrate 4/20 on January 5th, because I know how to reduce fractions unlik the rest of you morons.
Yesterday I accidentally swallowed some food colouring. The doctor says I`m alright, but I feel like, well, like I`ve dyed a little inside.
I`m pretty sure the whole "ladies first" thing was created by a guy just to check out girls butts.
Be nice to a nerd. Prevent a super-villain.
People are way less judgmental when you say you had an "avocado salad" instead of saying you ate a bowl of guacamole.
It`s funny how this guy grating cheese over my pasta thinks I`m going to say stop.
Liquid sanity: I call it alcohol..!!
Pandora has taught me that a lot of the music I love is very similar to music I absolutely hate
Newton`s third law of emotion. For every male action there is a female overreaction.
Having kids puts a new perspective on life.
No one will ever look at you the way I do ... But thats probably because no one will ever do it from the tree outside your window
Who ever says "words can`t hurt you" has never been hit in the face with a dictionary.